{"id":53616,"date":"2026-04-29T09:30:09","date_gmt":"2026-04-29T13:30:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newamerica.org\/?post_type=insight&p=53616"},"modified":"2026-05-06T14:13:07","modified_gmt":"2026-05-06T18:13:07","slug":"ways-to-reduce-mental-load","status":"publish","type":"insight","link":"https:\/\/www.newamerica.org\/insights\/ways-to-reduce-mental-load\/","title":{"rendered":"A Roadmap to Beating the Mental Load: Unpacking Emotional Labor with Leah Ruppanner"},"author":73,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"template":"","issue_tax":[257],"topic_tax":[72,155],"program_tax":[57],"project_tax":[],"person_tax":[2303,285],"podcast_show_tax":[],"insight_type":[3849],"fellowship_tax":[],"award":[],"class_list":["post-53616","insight","type-insight","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","insight_type-the-thread"],"acf":{"details":{"hero_type":"small-image","abstract":"The mental load is gaining attention. Sociologist Leah Ruppanner offers practical tools to overcome it in her new book.<\/span>","subheading":"","read_time":"","watch_time":"","podcast_player":"","apple_podcast_link":"","spotify_podcast_link":"","podcast_link":null,"listen_time":"","youtube_id":"","":null,"featured_image":53643,"add_image_caption":false,"caption":"","pdf_version":null,"helper_taxonomies":{"issue_tax":[257],"topic_tax":[72,155],"program_tax":[57],"project_tax":false,"person_tax":[2303,285],"fellowship_tax":false,"event_type":false,"location":false,"insight_type":[3849],"award":false,"podcast_show_tax":false,"person_type":false,"demographic_key":false,"survey_topic":false,"organization":false},"media_inquiry":false,"media_inquiry_title":"","media_inquiry_email":""},"page_layout":[{"acf_fc_layout":"layout_wysiwyg","_acfe_flexible_toggle":null,"component_wysiwyg":{"add_background_color":false,"content":"Studies among U.S. men and women have shown remarkable progress toward gender equality at home in recent decades. As women now make up <\/span>40 percent of household breadwinners<\/span><\/a> and men <\/span>spend more time on child care and housework<\/span><\/a>, more couples say they share domestic responsibilities equally. Yet even in egalitarian partnerships, the caregiving burden remains <\/span>unevenly distributed<\/span><\/a>. Research shows the persistent inequality is not just in the physical labor of caregiving, either: Mothers are more likely to report that <\/span>parenting is stressful and tiring<\/span><\/a>, and feel more judged by others than fathers do.<\/span>\r\n\r\nIn her <\/span>2021 article<\/span><\/a> with Liz Dean and Brendan Churchill, sociologist Leah Ruppanner defines this as the \u201cmental load\u201d: the emotional and cognitive labor, or\u00a0 \u201cemotional thinking work,\u201d required to manage work, life, and family each day.<\/span>\r\n\r\nIn her new book, <\/span>Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More<\/span><\/i><\/a>, Ruppanner provides a groundbreaking framework for understanding the mental load. She identifies eight major types:<\/span>\r\n
    \r\n \t
  1. Life organization<\/b>: staying on top of planning and tasks<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t
  2. Emotional support<\/b>: checking in on family, friends, and coworkers<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t
  3. Relationship hygiene<\/b>: maintaining strong social connections<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t
  4. Magic making:<\/b> carrying on traditions and creating special life moments<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t
  5. Dream building<\/b>: helping others fulfill their passions and ambitions<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t
  6. Individual upkeep<\/b>: keeping fit and healthy<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t
  7. Safety<\/b>: protecting family and loved ones from danger<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t
  8. Meta-care<\/b>: raising children who will thrive in the future<\/span><\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\nI interviewed Ruppanner, a Fellow at New America\u2019s Better Life Lab<\/a><\/span>, about what her research reveals for reducing the mental load, and why easing it matters for the public good.<\/span>\r\n\r\n
    \r\n\r\nIn <\/b>Drained<\/i><\/b>, you talk about sociology as a superpower. What did you notice in your research that led you to focus on the mental load?<\/b>\r\n\r\nI\u2019ve studied unpaid domestic work for 25 years. Men\u2019s contributions have increased over time, and we do have more equality, but it\u2019s not actually equal. Everyone, especially women, feels burned out, overwhelmed, and unhappy. There\u2019s not enough time. How can we have come so far and still feel so overwhelmed? One of the critical pieces I discovered in answering that question is that we haven\u2019t gotten a good handle on the mental load.<\/span>\r\n\r\nWe can see the mental load in both big and small ways. For example, you are trying to decide what preschool to send your child to, or you\u2019re wondering if you have enough toilet paper in the house. I don\u2019t know why I\u2019m giving this example. It\u2019s a very odd place to start.<\/span>\r\n\r\nNo, it\u2019s very important, because if you run out of toilet paper, the whole household system shuts down.\u00a0<\/b>\r\n\r\nOkay, let\u2019s work through this. Cognitive labor would be: Do we have enough? I\u2019ve checked\u2014we don\u2019t. Put it on the list, buy it, done. Sometimes our lives work this way, linearly, A to B to C, and we feel happy.<\/span>\r\n\r\nBut in reality, it often goes something like this: Do we have enough toilet paper? Should I buy it in bulk or just a small pack to get us through the week? Can I afford to buy it in bulk right now? Oh my God, should we even be using so much toilet paper? What\u2019s the environmental cost? How many trees have I cut down over the years? If we keep cutting down trees, will global warming keep increasing? If global warming continues, what kind of world will my child have? Will there even be a world for them to inherit?\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nThis is where cognitive labor meets emotional labor, and they become a mental load. Something as small as monitoring your household can become almost catastrophic, because it\u2019s tied to emotional thinking about the people we love. And this is what makes it so heavy.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nYou find the mental load is not just something women carry. Men do too. But your research finds that men aren\u2019t as stressed out by their mental loads as women are. Why is that?\u00a0<\/b>\r\n\r\nI think three things are happening. First, men\u2019s mental loads look different from women\u2019s. Men are generally more work-focused. When thinking about parenting, men often consider it in terms of being better caregivers\u2014doing better than their own fathers, being more engaged. That\u2019s a mental drain, but one our society rewards. If the system values work and providing, then spending your mental energy at work aligns with being a good dad and a good employee. For mothers, the expectations clash. They\u2019re told that being a good mother and a good worker means being emotionally available and always present. Work and family don\u2019t align\u2014they compete. That\u2019s an impossible standard.<\/span>\r\n\r\nSecond, we\u2019re working with outdated working norms. Workplaces haven\u2019t fully shifted to reflect that most families are dual-earner households, and governments still don\u2019t center caregiving.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nAnd third, women continue to manage complex care in most households\u2014that is, when you\u2019re caring for more than one person, or someone with high-stakes needs: a child with severe food allergies; an aging or declining parent; or someone with a mental health condition. Their mental loads are especially heavy because the risks are high. Get it wrong, and someone could die. That\u2019s very difficult to turn off.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nYour book includes a mental load audit, designed to help people understand their total mental load, identify which parts they want to keep, and which they don\u2019t. You also write about mental load as a systemic problem that requires systemic solutions. So talk to me about the relationship between the two, and what the roadmap for both individual and social change looks like.<\/b>\r\n\r\nLet me tell you the dream: that people would have a surplus of energy to deal with mental load.<\/span>\r\n\r\nMental load energy is finite\u2014it\u2019s like a bank account. But many people spend that energy on things they didn\u2019t care about or duplicate it, meaning partners worry about the same issues without better outcomes. That\u2019s wasteful, and often it pulls people further from their goals.<\/span>\r\n\r\nRight now, a lot of people are running their accounts empty every day\u2014holding just enough energy to get by. That\u2019s not sustainable, no way to live, and it harms both mental or physical health.<\/span>\r\n\r\nAnd if you\u2019re reading this and thinking, \u201cGive me a break, I already have so much on my plate\u201d\u2014ignore everything I just said, you need rest! My research shows many people, especially mothers, can\u2019t truly relax because their energy is constantly being spent\u2014ruminating during a bath, a walk, or a TV show. But rest is not optional. It\u2019s sacred. It's essential.<\/span>\r\n\r\nBut for those who can realign, imagine operating at an energy surplus. My colleague Ana Catalano Weeks found that those with the heaviest mental loads are <\/span>    the least politically engaged<\/span><\/a>\u2014they just don't have the bandwidth. Even a small shift could change that. That\u2019s what I hope this book will do.<\/span>\r\n\r\nAlong those lines, I mentioned before that this research is international. You\u2019ve interviewed people from multiple countries, and you write that by and large, you were surprised how similar the mental load looked. But there were some things about the United States that stood out to you as different.\u00a0<\/b>\r\n\r\nOne category of mental load I identified was safety\u2014the emotional thinking work people do to ensure the safety of themselves and their family members. Unlike Australians, Americans were very afraid of being shot. And in a follow-up survey of 5,000 people across the U.S., Australia, the UK, and Canada, people of color in the U.S. specifically had mental loads that were exceptionally high on safety. That is a uniquely American finding. Our systems that are set up to oppress and threaten certain groups\u2014people carry that. That is a limit on our humanness. What a loss.<\/span>\r\n\r\nOn policy, we do not treat care as a public good in the U.S. We treat care as optional, secondary to productivity. And yet every one of us will both receive and give care. It\u2019s what tethers us to each other. My friend Maria in Sweden has a daughter with a developmental disability. She gets specialized early schooling, transportation, and support. I asked Maria if she felt guilty about having her daughter in child care, [and] she looked at me like, \u201cGuilty?\u201d That guilt is distinctly American, rooted in the idea that mothers are solely responsible for it all, and that if you get it wrong, good luck. Part of the audit is separating what you do out of pressure from social norms, like guilt or judgment, and what you actually value.<\/span>\r\n\r\nYou seem like something of a role model yourself in how much of the mental load you\u2019ve said goodbye to. You say, \u201cI won\u2019t participate in my own destruction.\u201d You say you don\u2019t make \u201cmagic\u201d at Christmas\u2014you eat lasagna in your swimming pool. But you discovered in your research that some aspects of the mental load people enjoy and want to keep.\u00a0<\/b>\r\n\r\nNot everything in the mental load is a burden. Some things we love, I call them \u201cmental loves.\u201d The first step is to sort them: what you have to do, what you love (even if it costs a little), and what actually gets you closer to your goals.<\/span>\r\n\r\nAs for my own evolution, I\u2019ve let go of a lot. My house is always a mess, but you\u2019re always welcome to come in. I don\u2019t create magic during the holidays. And what I\u2019ve gotten in return is more love, more connection, and more time to chase my wildest dreams. This book was an idea four years ago. At first, I thought, \u201cWho, me?\u201d But I took it one step at a time.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nI\u2019ll be honest: I just got a breast cancer diagnosis, and that will shift my mental load. But I know where I\u2019m headed. Our ship is pointed toward the dream\u2014it might take a different route, but we\u2019re going.<\/span>\r\n\r\nAnd none of that would be possible if I\u2019d decided my floors were too sticky to let you in.<\/span>","":null,"drop_cap":false,"anchor_id":""}},{"acf_fc_layout":"layout_add_component","_acfe_flexible_toggle":null},{"acf_fc_layout":"layout_authors","_acfe_flexible_toggle":null,"component_authors":{"":null,"anchor_id":""}},{"acf_fc_layout":"layout_taxonomies","_acfe_flexible_toggle":null,"component_taxonomies":{"":null,"anchor_id":""}},{"acf_fc_layout":"layout_related","_acfe_flexible_toggle":null,"component_related":{"":null,"anchor_id":""}}]},"yoast_head":"\nRoadmap to Beating the Mental Load with Leah Ruppanner - New America<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.newamerica.org\/insights\/ways-to-reduce-mental-load\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A Roadmap to Beating the Mental Load: Unpacking Emotional Labor with Leah Ruppanner\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.newamerica.org\/insights\/ways-to-reduce-mental-load\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"New America\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/NewAmerica\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-05-06T18:13:07+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.newamerica.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/shutterstock_1691940307.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1000\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"667\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@NewAmerica\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.newamerica.org\/insights\/ways-to-reduce-mental-load\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.newamerica.org\/insights\/ways-to-reduce-mental-load\/\",\"name\":\"Roadmap to Beating the Mental Load with Leah Ruppanner - 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